"My husband, I think I'll dump him..."

My husband, Bill: We've been married now for seven years. Seven boring, stupid, numbing years of prime-time television, visits to the in-laws, and twice-monthly fifteen-second sere He's going nowhere on the job, he can't make conversation, and his breath smells. For seven years I've sacrificed myself to this pathetic lump of nothing. Reined in my potential, quashed my inborn talents and abilities, denied myself in every way to serve this total zero. But no more.

Now I've discovered FUKITOL.

Yes, Fukitol, a magic formula that's helped me see Bill as the stupid twerp he really is. Fukitol, a potent combination of secret ingredients, which has given me the insight and the courage to commit myself to change and liberation. Fukitol. Taken as directed, it can turn your head around. So long, Bill. Go fuck yourself.

- National Lampoons, Circa 1972